you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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