I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
