I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm sobbing to NWA
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
