now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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