Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
