I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
