Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
