you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Randomize
