Someone shit on the floor
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
