I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
