If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
