So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
