Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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