I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
