I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
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you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
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I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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