It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
