I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
