I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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