At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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