I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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