Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
