i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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