call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
