we have pet lesbian snakes
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
