Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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