You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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