I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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