i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
