kristin has been a bad kristin
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
