Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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