Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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