We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
