No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
