I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Say something about gay babies.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
