Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
