New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
