lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
