i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
They are going to name an STD after you.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
