So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
