I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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