she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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