what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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