I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
