Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
