I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
