Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
