Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
