Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
