i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
