they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
