Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize
