I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
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Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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