ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
MIDGETS
????
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
