If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
