i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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