i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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