You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
