just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
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