Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
