there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
