come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
They should really pass out barf bags in church
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
