my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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