I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
