i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
