I accidentally burped into my bong.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Will exercising make me less horny?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
