If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
