Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
