wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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