I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
